..................ARRRGGG.................

I don't know what else to do. I have asked nicely numerous times. No one is listening! I don't want to hear about her! I don't want to hear about her life, what she is doing with her life. NOTHING!
I'm so tired of her getting people to go to battle for her! That is exactly why she is the way she is. She knows that there is always going to be someone to go to bat for her and she won't have to do anything, own up to anything! This is bullsh*t. Leave me alone when it comes to this issue. All of you who refuse to respect my wishes are really just pushing me away from you. Don't you get that she is winning? This is exactly what she wants and wanted all along. I wish she would just go away!
And don't you dare tell me how I am supposed to feel, act/react, what to do, say or not to say!
I am not a child, I'm not 16 you are not my mother, you don't get to tell me how to do any of this. I will deal and express and heal the way I feel fit! Quit trying to be the hero! She and everyone else doesn't need you or anyone else to be the hero. What we need is for her to own up and fix the shit she broke. Her saying she is going to is a whole other thing and not even close to being good enough. She has lied so many times, made so many promises and broke them that I do not believe a damn word that comes out of her mouth. If she doesn't like it to bad! She put herself in this situation all by her self, she can deal with the repercussions of her actions, for once! I'm done asking nicely! Apparently asking nicely is getting me nowhere. So if you all don't back off thats it! I will bow out of your lives as well! This is way to stressful for me. Its affecting everything I do, everyone I know. The relationships between myself and others. I'm done with this LEAVE IT ALONE!!!!!!

Christmas Eve Slumber Party Picture

My Poor Toe :(

Yesterday I went to a podiatrist to have them look at my left big toe. It was starting to look a little funny, I mean the nail was raising and there looked like there was a huge blister growing under the nail and it started to get infected. So I got to the doctors office and he is looking at it and he decided to take the entire nail off! After he took the nail off that so called blister was actually a BONE! A bone had started to grow off the normal bone and up. So he cut off that bone. Lets just say by toe is really sore!!!! OUCH. Stupid toe anyways.

Sad, Mad,Frustrated, and Bad Dreams

As most of you know I have been tainted by bad dreams the last few months, well like the last 8 months really, but they were really starting to subside and go away. I think they are back. ugh.
The worst part of some of them are they are all true. Everything that happens in them has already happened and now they are just there haunting me, reminding me of certain people and what that certain person has done to wrong me or another of my loved ones and quite frankly I'd rather forget those unpleasant memories. I just can't shake them though. I had a dream about Lexi and Jessica and the pig she calls her husband. It pretty much was a run through of the last 5 1/2 years. Everything Chris and Jess put Lexi through. Put me through. Put my mom, dad, and penny through. I woke up with the most overwhelming need to just scream at the top of my lungs and to just drive over to her house and take everything she took from everyone else and leave her with nothing. It doesn't help that I have everyone breathing down my neck about just forgiving her and letting her back in, even if its the right thing to do or not, I think most people are sick of the anger and agitation I have towards her and her disgusting husband. Which most days just makes me not want to have anything to do with her even more. People just need to leave it alone and quit telling me when I should let it go. I have every right to be upset and stay upset! She has hurt me enough! I think I am capable of being my own judge of character and know whether she is ready to change and be forgiven. And until most of you people go through what she has put me through you really have no reason laying out judgment on the situation.
Some of you have been treated just as badly, on numerous occasions, and still you let her back in! I don't get it! You are gonna let her walk all over you until you are completely stripped of everything, any emotion. I don't care if she's your daughter, sister, cousin, niece. She is my sister too and I have had enough! People say, " She is family, you should forgive her just for that reason, family needs to stick together!" well that may be true but "family" doesn't do half of the crap she has inflicted on people. It's so not fair that she gets away with this. She should come stare the people she hurt the most in the face and see the hurt on everyone face and actually see what she has done and own up to it FINALLY! It's ridiculous to have so much anger and hate towards someone, a sister no less. And I don't use the word hate lightly, I never have but I can honestly say that word fits the best with the way I feel. What about her daughter? People seem to forget about that factor, the biggest factor in my eyes actually. It just angers me more to see Lexi go through this. To hear Lexi say that she still misses her, that she still loves her. She doesn't deserve this little girls love or affection! Lexi is so much better than her! The worst part is I miss her too, I don't want to. Not her really, the idea of her, the connection between another sister and me. but that connection is completely severed, maybe forever. There is too much damage. Why does she deserve it anyway? I want these feelings to go away. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling so mad all the time. I resent her for ruining me like this. That's what she has done, she ruined me, she completely broke me. I thought I was stronger than that, but I guess not or else I would be able to shake it and write her off. but here I am crying because I'm sad, mad, frustrated, and resentful.

Pure Silliness :)

Hello everyone!

I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Years! Mine was pretty good!
Amber, Jared, John and I all had a slumber party with Lexi on Christmas Eve. She really liked that. She thought it was pretty cool that she had a sleepover with all her aunts and uncles. Not to mention we all piled into one room like we used to when were all younger. I got to say though John and I didn't make it to midnight on new years, we were a little tired. So we pooped out around 10:30.

I watched Trisha's kids the other day which was awesome! I haven't seen those kids in such a long time and it was great to see them! They were super silly that night! As soon as they seen Uncle John they ran right up to him and all piled on top of his lap. So I thought it was really cute so I decided to take some pictures which then started even more silliness. It went from me taking pictures of them all being silly, doing funny poses to them all saying, " Lets take pictures with you Aunt Sara!" so then I joined in, in the silliness. Well then from there John decided to pick them all up (all 3 of them) at the same time well lets just say they loved it! So I got a break for a while with pictures of me. When John picked them up at once he took them to our room and threw them onto our bed! They were just a laughing!!! It was pretty cute! I'll post some pictures!
That same night Jaidan had cornered Patches under our table in our living room and she didn't like that, she was swatting him on the face with her paws, which thank goodness she has no claws in the front, and Jaidan thought that was hilarious! She would swat him and he'd start laughing and he'd say, " It doesn't hurt! It tickles!" . hahahahaha so cute!

The day after Christmas John went and got a new truck! He was pretty excited, and I'm sure if you call or email him about it he would love to tell you about it! :)

So that was our lives in a nut shell for the last couple of weeks. I hope yours was as good as mine.


As you can see they really do love their Uncle John!




















This is their "Angel" pose as they put it! ;)



















This is where John decided to pick them all up and now they are chasing me! Next is him heading to our bed to throw em! :)





















Then Jaidan pooped out after all the nonstop running around!

Merry Christmas!

Well today is Christmas Eve, which means tomorrow is Christmas!!! I am so excited! I swear I still get just as excited for Christmas as I did when I was little. Obviously for different reasons. Instead of being excited about getting presents from Santa, Im more excited to see and hear from all my family and friends. Just knowing that we are all here still and happy makes me even happier! I wish I could change a few situations in my ever growing family and see a few people a little more, see a few people a little less, but other than that I am perfectly content in my life right now. It's going to be a great day tomorrow! I love Christmas!

I hope everyone has a MERRY CHRISTMAS! Drive safe to all the destinations you will be going to!
Love you all!

A Family in Need

Today is a sad day. A friend of mine from high school, Kendra, has been going through an extremely hard time the past month. Her little girl was diagnosed with SMARD = spinal muscular atrophy with respiratory distress and needless to say it wasn't a good diagnosis. Makenzie is the little girls name, she is 4 1/2 months old. With that disease it slowly but still aggressively paralyzes her and it has already paralyzed her lungs so she can no longer breathe on her own, well yesterday morning Kendra and her husband decided to take her off the ventilator and she passed away last night. It is such a horrible but happy ending. My heart literally hurts for them. To lose a child would be the greatest pain I can imagine one could ever endure. I can't imagine they came to that decision lightly. The doctors told them that she wouldn't make it either way but that they could keep her on the ventilator as long as they wanted and needed her to be. I guess they just chose to let her go. Kendra has made a blog about "Kenzie" and her story, it has gotten quite the following and it really is an amazing and even though horribly sad it is an extremely uplifting to read the words Kendra puts out for everyone to read to be "in the loop" about this precious little girl. Now I am posting this to ask all of you to go to her blog and read, be inspired by it. It is really sad but this family could use all of our support and supportive words.

The blog address is: kendraandryanwebster.blogspot.com

Tis the Season!

Well Folks Christmas is here! Well in 17 days it is. I am so looking forward to spending time with family! I'm excited to see Wesley's excited little face when he see's all those presents from Santa and when he realizes that he can ACTUALLY touch them without getting told no! Lexi, like usual will tear into her presents and not really look at them and then will be bummed when she is done, like she does every year. But it will be nice to see her open them anyway. Wish we could see ALL the kids in our family open their gifts but that is just not a realistic want, I know that. John and I are gonna try our best to make sure we make the rounds on Christmas and we will try not to forget anyone, I promise.

We hope that everyone has a great Christmas! Be safe, and we love you all!